It's game 7 of the NBA finals and a man makes his way to his seat at center court. He sits down and notices that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone is sitting there. He responds, "No, the seat's empty." "The first man exclaims, "What?!? Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the NBA finals and not use it?" The neighbor responds, "Well the seat is mine, but my wife passed away and this is the first NBA finals we haven't been together." The first man responds," I'm sorry to hear that. Wasn't there anyone else, a friend or relative, that could've taken that seat?" The neighbor responds, "No, they're all at the funeral."
Golfer: "I'd move heaven & earth to break 100 on this course." Caddy: "Try heaven; you've already moved most of the earth."
A Giants fan, a Padre fan, and a Dodger fan are climbing a mountain and arguing about who loves his team more. The Padre fan insists he's the most loyal. "This is for San Diego!" he yells and jumps off the side of the mountain. Not to be outdone, the Giants fan is next to profess his love for his team. He yells, "This is for San Francisco!" and pushes the Dodger fan off the mountain.
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you!
How many snowboarders does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 50: 3 to die trying, 1 to actually pull it off, and 46 other to say, "man, I could do that!"
Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Officer asks a young engineer fresh out of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, "And what starting salary are you looking for?" The engineer replies, "In the region of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package." The interviewer inquires, "Well, what would you say to a package of five weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every two years, say, a red Corvette?" The engineer sits up straight and says, "Wow! Are you kidding?" The interviewer replies, "Yeah, but you started it."
I named my hard drive "dat ass," so once a month my computer asks if I want to "back dat ass up."
A man hasn't been feeling well, so he goes to his doctor for a complete checkup. Afterward, the doctor comes out with the results. "I'm afraid I have some very bad news," the doctor says. "You're dying, and you don't have much time left." "Oh, that's terrible!" says the man. "How long have I got?" "Ten," the doctor says sadly. "Ten?" the man asks. "Ten what? Months? Weeks? What?!" "Nine..."
A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on." The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now." The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family."
A Spanish captain was walking on his ship when a soldier rushes to him and exclaims, "An enemy ship is approaching us!" The captain replies calmly, "Go get my red shirt." The soldier gets the shirt for the captain. The enemy ship comes in and heavy rounds of fire are exchanged. Finally, the Spaniards win. The soldier asks, "Congrats sir, but why the red shirt?" The captain replies, "If I got injured, my blood shouldn't be seen, as I didn't want my men to lose hope." Just then, another soldier runs up and says, "Sir, we just spotted another twenty enemy ships!" The captain calmly replies, "Go bring my yellow pants."
Q: How many politicians does it take to change a light bulb? A: Two: one to change it and another one to change it back again.
China, Russia, and Poland venture to space. China says they'll go to Pluto because it's the farthest. Russia says they'll go to Jupiter because it's the biggest. Poland says they'll go to the Sun. Russia and China warn that they'll melt. They reply, "We'll go at night."

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网络安全电影主播绵阳汽车网站制作网络安全法构成我国评价网络营销的案例分析网络安全传奇’广州网站建设公司免费申请网站衡水做网站推广的公司济南seo网站推广网站验收信息安全分级 一次意外,世界顶级雇佣兵穿越到异世界,成为了银龙城附近的猎人。 十几年过去,他一直以为自己穿越而来只会成为一个闲散的猎人,每天只会钓钓鱼,抓几只兔子,摘几株药材换酒钱打发时间,最大的乐趣不过是调戏邻居的小女孩。 但在他十五岁的凛冬日,村子里最强大的猎人大胡子离奇失踪,无奈之下,庭瑞只得踏入到苍茫山脉寻找大胡子的踪迹。 越过茫茫群山,踏过无数冰雪,他终于找到了大胡子在坚冰上刻下的痕迹。 但令人费解的是,上边只留下了一个潦草的“鬼”字便再无其他痕迹。 就在林庭瑞感到疑惑沉下心思思考的时候,他的身后突然响起了喀嚓喀嚓的踩雪声…… 时空错乱,整个蓝星穿越到一个高玄世界之中。 初来乍到,对于陌生环境完全不熟悉,以至于蓝星被打了个猝不及防。 星球文明毁于一旦,土地被霸占,人民被奴役。 主角横空出世,开启万物进度系统! “灵草要一株一株种?” 不好意思!看我一键种植! “灵果还要百年才能成熟?” 不好意思!我一键加速! “大阵还要数年才能布成?” 搞笑!我一键拉满进度! 掌控进度的我吊打一切!摊主不卖烟不卖酒,出摊就是流水的摆谱,只为用最深的夜熬最新鲜的黑眼圈,你又满腹忧愁,我也照收不误。在历经无数生死之后,那最终迎来的一切只是开始,历史似乎一直在轮回中。岚枫死后穿越修仙世界,发现金手指系统竟会吃修为。所谓神明,不过是蛰伏在暗影之处的小偷! 他们需要称颂,他们需要信仰,他们需要祭祀,他们需要血肉。 他们自称给予你所想要的一切,在你耳边低声呓语!平行世界,几位绝世剑客的徒弟齐聚一堂,拥有了未来的武器,征战宇宙我的父亲飞升了,他给我留下了满世界的仇家,我该怎么办? 别人都可以靠爹,为什么就我不可以?这个世界上怎么会有这么坑儿子的爹啊! 不说了,我逃命去了。 萧子暮重生成婴儿,等反应过来自己已经夺了女帝修为。 “萧子暮,还我的修为。” “不然我让你死的很难看。” “听话,你虽然是女帝,但好歹是妹妹,小心我打你!” 女帝闭嘴,眼泪汪汪。 “乖!把你的修为再给我点吧。” 女帝破口大骂,只想一刀解决这个依靠自己灵力发育的天仙大帝!作者很懒,什么都没留下
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